Welcome to our Lives

Nice to meet ya!

I am Varmint. My husband is Stu. My children are Paddy and Kit Cat.

Myself, Paddy, and Kit Cat have all been diagnosed with moderate to severe ADHD. Stu is the opposite of ADHD and his full time position as husband and father is attempting to keep us from straying too far from the main path. It is a difficult job, but one he is very good at doing.

On this blog, I will attempt (with the help of the fam) to describe what life is like when you have ADHD. My hope is to help families who find having a child/parent with ADHD a struggle and to give advice on to how to change that struggle to a lifetime of adventure! Because ADHD should never be a battle if you fully understand the potential we have. I also hope to educate others on exactly what ADHD is because it can be complex diagnosis. It is so complex, that the school systems refuse to use the diagnosis in paperwork for IEP’s or 504’s and list the reason for receiving help in school as “other health impairment” because of the complex nature of each individual. But more on that later.

For full disclosure, I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, or any other ‘ist’ out there. I am first and foremost an adult who has lived with ADHD my entire life. I was not diagnosed until I was in my twenties and fought most of my school life to understand why I was so different from everyone else. My children were diagnosed early due to my pushing the issue with doctors. I have studied and researched all I can on ADHD so I can be a good advocate for my children. On this blog, I will share my information with you.

Medication is always a topic of discussion when it comes to this mental disorder and I would like to say upfront that I neither advocate nor oppose medication for children or adults. There are excellent reasons to use it and others to not. As for my family, we are all medicated. Paddy doesn’t really have much of a choice, because without medications his grades and social life drop drastically. Myself and Kit Cat use medications in order to maintain our thought processes. However, all of us are medication free on our days off from school or work in order to give our bodies a break. Medication is not for everyone diagnosed, and there are many alternatives that can help, especially diet, and I’ll go over all of that on this blog.

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!

Meme – A Friend of ADHD

I love my friends. They always have great meme’s to share. This one was shared with me and I had to share with all of you. This defines me so well.

I know some people people may think this applies to all people and not just people with ADHD. However, for “some” people it only happens occasional. For people with ADHD, this is daily. This is why most of us have a great sense of humor!

No Shaming Allowed

Being ADHD is nothing to be ashamed about. Why anyone would think otherwise is beyond my comprehension.

I had a parent tell me the other day that at another school the teachers were telling their son not to tell anyone that he had ADHD. They told him that it would be best that way. Although I can somewhat understand where they were coming from, that is, not wanting him to be teased and bullied, I cannot believe that they would attempt to “protect” a child by shaming him. Yes, it is shaming him.

If someone tells you to keep a secret because of a diagnosis, then that means you should be ashamed that you received the diagnosis. There is really no other way to look at it. And this is just a child!

Instead, the teachers should have taken the opportunity to educate the class. If this child had been diagnosed with diabetes, tourettes, epilepsy, or leukemia the school would have used this as a learning experience for the children. However, with ADHD, they hushed the child.

Naturally, at the school I work at, when I was told of his diagnosis, I gave him a fit bump and welcomed him to the club. He was so excited. I told him he could come to me anytime he needed with questions or to just talk. The smile on his face was reward enough.

There is nothing shameful about having ADHD. We just think differently and react to stimuli differently. It isn’t contagious. Well, at least, physically. Mentally, we do have a tendency to hype up any crowd but that’s another story all together.

Children need to learn to embrace their differences. It really is that simple.

Treated Like a Criminal

I am not a criminal.

There, I said it. I wish certain people would believe me.

For the vast majority of our families prescription medication, I can walk into any pharmacy in the US and get the prescriptions filled no questions asked. It doesn’t matter which pharmacy I go to. I am allowed to get my medication.

However, try to do that with ADHD meds. You will get the third degree.

“Why are you getting this filled here?”

“What made you come in to get this filled in this particular pharmacy?”

“You can’t get this filled here. We have met our quota this month of patients for this type of medication. You will have to go to a smaller pharmacy with less patients.”

Yes, these are all exact quotes. You see, I forgot to get my ADHD meds filled after the summer (I don’t take my meds over the summer because I work in the office at a school and have the summer months off.) I wanted to go to the convenient drive thru at the CVS I drive past every day to get home from work. I usually go inside the Target CVS but I have to drive past my house and the traffic at the end of the work day is chaotic. But, I was unable to get my legal prescription filled because I don’t usually go to that specific pharmacy. Both are CVS. CVS is the preferred pharmacy for my insurance. However, I went to the wrong CVS. It is very frustrating.

Even at the Target CVS I was questioned. They know me there and I could tell they were a bit embarrassed to ask me the questions, but the computer forced these questions upon me. Why did I go two months without getting a prescription filled? Why am I at this pharmacy when I tried to get it filled at the other location? (Yes, they put it in the computer and flagged my account just because I tried to go to the more convenient location to me when I ran out of meds.)

To put simply, I was treated like I did something wrong. I have ADHD and I forgot to get my prescription filled before running out. One of the biggest symptoms of ADHD is forgetting important things. Yet, I’m not allowed to forget these things because of the new laws in my state.

More “simplicity” for you is the fact that if I get my prescriptions filled every month religiously I would not have to deal with these questions. However, I do not take the medication every day – only when I need them. Same is true for my children. We only take the stimulant medication when we need them, not every day. But legislation wants us to fill the prescription as if we take it every day in order for us to not have to feel like a criminal. This is a nightmare.

Many people look at me and roll their eyes and think it is a simple solution of just filling the darned prescription every month. However, with three of us on these medications, the amount of left over pills we have would more than likely be an excess of what a pharmacy with state of the art security is allowed to have left over at the end of the month. Lets do the math:

There are approximately 180 school days. Let’s just assume that me and the kids do not miss any days of school/work and take our meds all 180 days. There are also events that happen during the year that means we take our meds on non school days. Let’s be extremely generous and say there are 20 extra days (The equivalent of 4 work weeks) that we take our meds. That would be 200 days out of the year that we need to take our meds. That leaves 165 days in a year that we are medication free. (And, of course, this assumes that we remember to take the meds every time we need them.) However, legislation now demands that we fill our meds every 30 days without fail. This means we would have 165 extra pills per person every year and we have 3 people on these specific medications. That means we would have 495 left over pills every year in our house at the end of every year. Medications that are considered a controlled substance. Medications that the pharmacy cannot have an overstock of in their secured and locked safe. Medications that are sold on the black market. Medications that many non-ADHD teens take to get high. So the powers that be in the legislation want me to have 495 extra pills at the end of the year with two teenagers living in my house with I don’t even know how many teenagers coming and going on a weekly basis.

All of this, and study after study after study after study have proven that this medication is NOT over prescribed anymore and actually under prescribed now a days. It is just a medication that is sold on the black market by criminals who do not get the medication in pharmacies.

It’s time to lighten up the legislation. Stop treating us like criminals. Let’s bring common sense back into the equation and don’t force me to have 495 extra pills every year in order to not be treated like a criminal.

We need to stop treating non criminals like criminals. It is so frustrating.

Summertime Homework

Summer break is halfway over for us and it has been a great and extremely boring break. Kit Cat has advanced her drawing skills from dragons to creatures of the night. (The latest one resembles a strange spider faced long legged creepy crawly. *shiver*) And Paddy has been working on his CAD software abilities.

And yes, they are also working on the homework assigned to them by their schools.

I completely understand summer homework. I understand the science behind having children keep their mind working so they don’t fall behind in the summer months. However, I wish there was more variety in the choices for summer homework.

Math and reading. Math and reading. Math and reading. Oh…and some more math and reading.

There is so much more to learning than just math and reading. And the assigned reading has very little wiggle room for reading something they want to read. And the math, for Kit Cat, is fractions and all the other math things she hates. Paddy is forced to read books that usually have some sort of political agenda now that he is in high school.

Kit Cat would love to be assigned a science experiment. Something she could really consume herself in. Paddy would be in heaven if he would be assigned something for his CAD program or perhaps even a history research paper. But no. Math and reading. Math and reading.

Kit Cat, for fun, is reading the book “Gone” by Michael Grant. It is 581 pages long and the best way I can describe it is a mixture between Lord of the Flies and Stephen Kings “The Stand”. It is thought provoking. Has multiple characters in a variety of situations that allow the characters to develop and grow. She has to stop reading that book, which she loves, so she can read her two assigned books. Barely over 200 pages with limited action and adventure. She’s bored. She loves heavy sci fi and fantasy and is constantly reading. When we go out to eat she usually has her sketch book or a novel to read. I know she is not the typical teenage girl, and I know many in her class need a ‘grade’ to read something. I just wish the school would have more variety in their reading summer lists.

In order to keep Paddy’s mind active we have him do some small research papers and he gets to pick the topic. He did a great paper on the life of Beethoven and is now working on the Civil War. He is enjoying what he is learning. However, this isn’t what the school has assigned. At least he had to read a classic – 1984. He read it in one day. He went right back to his book on Egyptian Mythology when he was done.

I wish the summer months could be used for the students to pick their own topics for study. I know it is easy for our family considering I work in a school office and have a good portion of the summer months off which makes doing school work with the kids easy. They don’t have to go to summer camps nor do they have to stay home alone. I know this is a luxury many families don’t have.

I just feel like if we gave the kids some control over what they learn over the summer that it wouldn’t be so difficult to have them do it. Allow them to pick what topic they want to learn. Allow them to pick what kind of math they want to practice. If we give them some choices, I don’t think it would be so hard to get them to do it.

Just something to think about. Now, back to making my children put down their over 500 page novel and history books and forcing them to read what is on the ‘list’ that has nothing in it that interests them.

July 4 = Binge Watching

Many ADHD’ers do not do well in large crowds or loud noises. This means the Fourth of July becomes an anxiety fueled nightmare for some of us. For many years I pretended to like fireworks, and the outing to take to see them, because I was usually given the guilt trip if I didn’t go, so I learned that pretending was better.

Only problem was, I would be left for many days afterwards with anxiety ridden nightmares that would leave me unable to be productive. Then, for a few years, I took my kids to see the fireworks because, well, that is what we are supposed to do as parents, right? I learned to stop doing that when I saw the excitement of going turn into sensory overload and glazed over eyes for a few days afterwards. So, avoiding fireworks has become a family tradition now.

Last year, we found ourselves in Pittsburgh and were able to get a hotel room on the 14th floor looking over the water that has a big firework show on the fourth. That was an excellent way to see fireworks! We stayed in the comfort of our hotel room, no large crowds, and were able to see the fireworks with limited sound. It was awesome.

This year, we stayed home in Florida. We were thinking of going to one of the many and wonderful state parks don’t have fireworks, but it was just too hot this year. The heat index was around 110 with humidity levels that made it feel like we should use the adjective of swimming instead of walking. Staying home seemed to be the best option.

Netflix and Hulu binging became are fun for the day. Kit Cat and I watched the entire third season of Stranger Things while Paddy watched Mythbusters. Stu played on his computer – programming probably. It was a great 4th of July day for us! We did have Hamburgers and french fries too.

For families with ADHD children/adults, an alternative activity is usually needed for holidays like the fourth. Never make your families members feel left out because the large crowds and or the loud noises of fireworks are just too much to handle.

Remember, the best way to handle these holidays is to make everyone feel a part of the fun.

**On a side note – please remember that many of our military men and women also have difficulties with this holiday because of the loud noises. I have to admit, I find it difficult to understand why we celebrate our freedom and thank our servicemen in a way that can inflict feelings of war on them.

Rock on, My lovelies. But, just not too loudly.

A Bored ADHD Mind Can Be a Dangerous Thing

Summer is here and it is time for most parents to scramble to find ways to keep their kids from getting too bored. We do what we can to keep up their brains with homework, or summer camp, or VBA, or any number of activities that help them. Some parents find that the various summer activities are a bit too pricey, while others go over board keeping their kids active all summer long. Each family has different opinions on this subject. And none of them are wrong or right. Families have to do what is best for their families and their children.

However, for the ADHD child, things can get a bit difficult. It is advised by many psychiatrist that children go off of their medications in the summer months in order to give their bodies a break. Along with giving their bodies a break, they also have to give their minds a break. The way schools are set up is good for the majority of children, but it is exhausting for the ADHD child. To keep the mind in control for hours on end with limited breaks and not enough movement can take its toll on us mentally. So, summer needs to be a time to rest our minds.

Some kids spend their time playing a vast array of video games. For limited time, these games are very good for the ADHD child, just as they are for the non-ADHD child. It can help with fine motor skills and eye hand coordination. Some games also help with the imagination, allowing the child to set up their own towns and adventures. However, too much gaming can cause extreme mood swings and severe grumpiness.

Of course, there is outside playtime for kids. This is a wonderful time for imaginations to run wild and allow for a lot of physical activities, however, this becoming a rare event as most kids must attend summer camps because both kids work. This leaves the neighborhoods lacking in playmates for the kids who stay home. Not to mention, summer camps are a controlled environment which does little to help the brain of an ADHD child find release from constantly being forced to ‘be good’ in said control environment.

So, how can the child with ADHD relax their brains? My answer is a simple one, but it is not a popular one. Allow them to read the same book multiple times. Allow them to watch and re-watch the TV show of their choice. Limit the hours for the TV, naturally, but if they want to watch the same show for the hundredth time, let them do it. Don’t force them to read new books if they don’t want to (unless they are for the upcoming school year.) I know this sound odd, but hear me out.

Rereading and re-watching the same stories give our brains time to relax. It allows us time to have our brains fly. We don’t have to concentrate on anything, but have something to ground us to reality so we can find our way back home quickly, and without any mental pain. It seems odd to the person who lives life with a brain they can control, but to us, this is freedom. Listening to music is also helpful, however, I have found that having something visual allows better access to get into reality easier.

So, let your child read that book for the eight time. Let them Netflix binge the same TV show for the fifth time. It is our time to relax, and this is an easy way to do it. And don’t worry, we aren’t rotting our brains. We are relaxing in our ten thoughts per second. Letting our brains fly free without the constraints of having to think.

Mental Freedom is for summertime! This is why I love working in a school. I have the mental breaks along with the kids. Kit Cat and I are watching Stranger Things for the third time in anticipation of the new season. Paddy and I are binging the DC television universe which he’s watched countless times. Along with rereading Brandon Mull’s Fablehaven for the… um… I don’t remember how many times, but… best series ever!

I love summertime.

Marvel Mom and DC Son

Yes, I’m a Marvel fan. I have been for several decades when I first got my hands on an X-Men comic book in the 1980’s. I did occasionally dabble in the Catwoman comics, but that was my only DC luxury. I liked the more uplifting stories of Marvel versus the darker realities that is DC.

So, imagine my dismay when my son came to me and told me that DC television was better than anything Marvel had done. Sure, he was just saying that to get under my skin. He loves the Marvel Cinematic Universe as much as I do, however confessed to be watching DC television shows behind my back. He told me that I didn’t need to watch them, and assured me I wasn’t missing anything. But then, he started making noises about me watching DC Legends of Tomorrow that is on the CW. So, recently, we have been binging episodes through Netflix to catch me up. I have to admit, I’m enjoying it.

Sure, the special effects are about as good as Star Trek TNG (aired 1987-1984) and some might be more in comparable to TOS (aired 1966-1969). But, stories aren’t all about special effects, especially science fiction stories. This is something that has been lost for some time on the cinematic X-Men movies. The special effects don’t need to be perfect for a story to be good.

I enjoy the characters in the show. They are not perfect, which is always fun to watch in superhero shows. They fight each other, bicker, and make very bad decisions. Decisions so bad that it may take several episodes to right the wrongs. As a matter of fact, two of the characters in the first season are not hero’s at all. They are criminals that do not like to be considered hero’s. Sometimes it is difficult for them to not to rob someone, which leads to hilarious events.

The plots are sometimes laughable, and in order to enjoy the show you have to allow for an element of stupidity. There are times that the costumes from one edit to another are a bit off and the plot is sometimes questionable, along with some really bad dialogue. However, the characters are just so intriguing to me, I’m hooked.

The premise of the story for the second season is a group of misfits travel through time in order to protect the timeline from time pirates. (The first season was close to this premise, but the group of misfits were the ones messing up the timeline). So, they go into history quite a bit. I love the stories that are in the 1940’s with the women not behaving as they should. Or the Civil War one when the two African American characters see the brutality of slavery. Naturally, the confederate soldiers were zombies in that one, which of course led to some very hysterical moments. They do take liberties, because it is science fiction. But these liberties are fun.

So, if you are a Marvel Sci Fi nut like me, you may want to check out the Legends TV show. It’s fun! And it isn’t too dark like many DC stories are. This show may get me to watch The Flash too, as it is kinda of an extension of that show.

School’s out for Summer!

For most people, summer is here. Kids are running wild, or running wild in a contained environment known as summer camp. Since I work in a school office, my hours get reduced to part time. I plan on utilizing my extra time to, hopefully, finish my second novel. I also hope to get time to take pictures with my new camera that Stu got me for my birthday this year.

Here are some samples:

Have a wonderful summer!

End of School = IEP Meetings

The end of the school year is here, which explains my absence from writing for the past couple weeks. I work in the office of a school and have two children so May is a bit hectic. Then, add on the IEP meetings that happen at the end of the school year and I have no time to breath.

I am writing today to tell you all what happened before my daughter’s IEP meeting this year. Everything seemed to go smoothly, all paperwork seemed to be in order. She goes to a small private school, the same one I work at, so I am able to talk to the teacher’s daily, get one on one with the resource teacher, and also see the county teacher weekly that comes in to see kids that had public school IEP’s to help them and/or see how they are progressing. It is a wonderful program that the state of Florida has for school choice. Kit Cat has been doing very well in the small school setting. She has gone from struggling everyday to gaining confidence and this year she is consistently earning mostly B’s on her report card. The improvement in grades is based on many aspects of her learning experience. The small classroom sizes (there are only 12 students in her math class), the one on one with all the teachers (the teachers are always happy to help outside of the classroom), the resource teachers are wonderful at helping her with organization and homework, and the county teachers have helped her with her writing, reading, and vocabulary. All of this support adds up to above average grades.

This should have been a time to celebrate. We have all worked as a village to help my daughter. Both private school and county educators. Kit Cat is the poster child for why school choice and private and county teachers working together will equal success. However, one person in the county office, who has never even met my daughter, decided that her successes and hard work means her IEP should be pulled away from her. She is successful so therefore she should no longer receive help of any kind in the form of an IEP.

I knew that this was a bullying tactic to remove the help from my daughter. Some teacher’s in Florida do not like school choice and do not like that my daughter was failing horribly in the public school setting and is now flourishing in the private schools – proving the importance of school choice for parents. We moved around a bit, so Kit Cat went to public schools in 3 states and struggled in all public schools – so it isn’t Florida’s public schools, it is how public schools are structured. If Kit Cat was going to continue in private schools, this would not have mattered to me. However, she will be going to a public high school in a year. The private school choices for high school are too expensive and several of the public school choices are too good to pass up in our area. As stated in a previous post, the public schools are good schools and Paddy has gone to them for eleven years. So, its not like a hate public schools. Kit Cat will need that IEP when she goes to 9th grade.

So, this county bully wanted to remove the IEP because Kit Cat was doing well in school. She is not a part of the Committee so I knew she has no say in this. An IEP can only be dismissed if the entire committee – parent included – agrees to it. No one on her committee felt removing the IEP was in Kit Cat’s best interest. So, why was this county bully trying so hard to remove the IEP? Simply put, in the safeguards that the county always sends to parents, there is nothing in it about dismissing the IEP. This bully didn’t know that I knew my parental federal rights on this. I made sure that she was aware that I knew my rights and naturally, she backed down before the IEP meeting. But, all this stress on me and Kit Cat’s teachers was unnecessary. This bully didn’t even know that I had a parental right to put in the IEP that my child is medicated for her ADHD. She wanted that removed. She learned a swift lesson in the fact that parents do have rights and she cannot bully me.

I want to make this clear, that this was only one bully. All the other county teachers and county representatives have been doing their jobs beautifully and have truly worked miracles with my daughter. But one bully could have changed my daughters educational future if I didn’t know my rights.

My lesson to you all – make sure you know your federal parental rights. There are classes you can take on your rights. Parents have far more rights than schools like for you to know about. And federal rights always trump state rights. Federal rights also trump county rights. Know your rights if you have a child in the IEP system. There are also parental advocates too. Look them up. Educate yourself. You are the best advocate for your child.

I Think a Little Thought and Panic

Sometimes psychology is behind the times.  I know it sounds odd because all of us with some form of mental disorder always rely heavily on the findings of psychological studies.  However, there are times when the pro’s just don’t listen to us little people and it takes time for them to understand.  When it comes to something called “Intrusive Thoughts” in the ADHD adult, you will find resistance from some of the pro’s in believing you because “studies” just don’t say it is common for the ADHD adult and other factors are blamed.

However, if you go to forums like Reddit you find that there are so many adults out there that have been diagnosed with ADHD and have symptoms of intrusive thoughts that you just have to wonder why psychology just won’t add ADHD to the list of mental disorders that have this phenomenon.  You can read more on it here, however you will note the lack of acknowledgment that adults with ADHD have it too.

I have talked to many adults with ADHD and this is something that we all seem to have in common.  When I talked to my past therapist or psychologist about it, they seemed to think that it stems from my depression and not my ADHD.  However, I have these thoughts all the time and not always when in my depressive state.  (For openness, I have major depressive disorder with generalized anxiety disorder that have learned to live with after over a decade of talk therapy.)  I can be at one of my happiest times watching my kids play and then BAM – horrible imagery of my kids falling and busting their heads open, along with the ambulance trip and hospital machines… yes, they are that vivid.  So, I just can’t believe it stems from my depression and NOT my ADHD.  My ADHD is with me always, my depression and anxiety come and go and are very well-trained now.

So, what are intrusive thoughts you might be asking?  It is a thought or thoughts that are usually violent, sexual, or blasphemous in nature and are unwanted and appear out of nowhere.  For me, they are very visual and usually violent.  Here is an example in meme form:

Intrusive thoughtSometimes when I am writing my books they appear and I just keep writing (per my therapist instructions) and rereading them can be terrifying.  However, rereading them has helped me to see them when they appear and stop them.  Yes, they get edited out of my stories because if I didn’t they would rival Stephen King in creepiness.  And of course, they have no place in my story.  Not to mention, how would the story continue considering all the characters would die gruesome deaths?  I mean, I write young adult novels, not George R. R. Martin type stories, where such writing is acceptable. But I digress yet again as I so often do here.

Recently, there have been studies showing that ADHD and Intrusive Thoughts are connected, so hopefully the psychological community will start to take notice.  My psychiatrist now does believe that it is from my ADHD, so I know that they are beginning to have open minds on the subject.

So, if you have ADHD and have these kinds of thoughts, know that it is okay for you to have them.  You are not a psychopath because of them.  It is okay to talk about them.  It ispanic-wallpaper-6-743320 okay to learn to deal with them.  I think some of the hesitation from the psychological peeps is because of the unwillingness of adults with ADHD to admit they have them.  It is difficult to talk about.  However, you have to talk about it so you can learn to deal with them and make them not so terrifying.

ADHD is a mental disorder.  It is so much more than just losing attention, interrupting people, and being hyperactive.  There are some very scary aspects to living with ADHD and intrusive thoughts is the scariest part.    Hang in there!